Is it a Snake...or Just a Stick?
From the hills to my headspace: An analogy for anxiety I can’t stop thinking about + want to share with you!
On a Monday morning hike, I had one of those moments where life, anxiety, and nature all collided—and not in the metaphorical sense, but in the actual “watch your step” kind of way. Before I get into my story, I should caveat this with the truth that I used to live and breathe anxiety. As in all 3,000 of my pre-licenseure clinical training hours were done in a practice that trained baby therapists (like I once was) to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to treat Anxiety Disorders—and then I spent the better part of a decade in my own practice specializing in working with children and adults with issues related to all types of anxiety and OCD. Also, as I shared in my first book, I’m no stranger to the awful all-consuming feelings that come with anxiety, because in addition to having ADHD I also got “blessed" with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (these two things often go together…and let me tell you, it’s a fun combo!)
Since we learn through story, using analogies with my clients has always been a go-to way for me to better explain murky psychological concepts and to help them put them into action in their daily life. I’m going to share one of my favorite analogies for anxiety (I call it the snake analogy), but before I explain it, I want to tell you the story that brought it back to life for me. Mondays are usually my recovery day. After a weekend full of kid sports, family time, and, if we’re lucky, impromptu pizza nights with friends…I need a little space to breathe. If you’re a fellow introverted-extrovert, you get it.
Monday’s are a non-clinical day for me and so sometimes they offer time for me to get outdoor movement in, go to my favorite coffee shop to get a little writing in (I’m working on a new book proposal—more to come soon), and squeeze in a grocery store run before school pickup. Since the sun has been shining and Northern California spring is in full swing, I decided to swap my usual neighborhood walk for a trail on the west side of town. After spending a stupid amount of time trying to figure out which podcast to listen to (too many options are hard for me), I finally settled on Under the Influence, popped in my AirPods, and started up the hill. Thirty seconds in, a thought popped into my head:
“Oh SHIT, what about Snakes?! I Should turn around.”
For context: I do not do well with rattlesnakes. I grew up in Sonoma County on a piece of property that I love to this day-–but, it’s basically a rattlesnake Airbnb. My dad would “re-home” 5–10 every summer. One time, I believe I was around 10 years old, I watched in horror as my brother almost stepped barefoot on a rattle snake in the garage only to be saved by me screeching “SNAAAAKE” at the tops of my lungs. Needless to say, I’ve been hypervigilant about them ever since, and now my fear is definitely outsized.
Which brings me to the analogy.
Is it a snake… or just a stick?
When you’re living in an anxious state, your brain get stuck in hypervigilance mode and starts interpreting every stick as a snake. You see something uncertain, and instead of evaluating it, your brain yells: threat! You tense up. You avoid it. You prepare for the worst…even when the threat turns out to be nothing at all. The crazy thing is, our nervous system doesn’t know the difference between real danger and perceived danger when we’re in a chronically activated state. The body responds the same way.
This is what anxiety does. It shortens the distance between observation and panic. So, it’s not that real world threats don’t exist (in this case: snakes) but instead it’s that when anxiety is a present, not only do we perceive the threat as “bigger” than it is, but we also underestimate our ability to cope with the feared situation should it occur.
So, while I did spend a lot of the hike scanning the trail like my life depended on it…I completed the path I intended to take anyway. I stayed with the discomfort, allowed it to be along for the walk, and reminded myself that even if I did see a snake I could cope.
Maybe next time it’ll feel more like walking and less like surviving. But then again, maybe not–it depends on how my nervous system is doing that day. All this to say, if we want to live a life that lines up with our values–we can’t afford to let anxiety be at the wheel.
Wherever this story finds you today, I hope you’ll consider that while real-life threats do exist, and life is full of snakes (literal and figurative) you are capable of handling the discomfort that comes with feeling anxious–and you’re also highly capable of coping with so much more than you give yourself credit for. I’ll leave you with something one of my favorite clinical supervisors taught me at the beginning of my becoming a therapist journey: Anxiety=Overestimation of Risk +Underestimation of your ability to cope!
A few of my things this month…
Getting to do a Mental Health Segment for KTVU/Bay Area
The Invisible Load of Parenthood and Why Modern Parents are So Burnt out
✨ Emily Lee Henry – A Big Beautiful Life
I fly through her books, and I find them to be the perfect mix of entertainment, romance (but not like the cheesy kind), and good writing.
🎤 We Can Do Hard Things tour with girlfriends
It was everything. Laughter, tears, and so many moments of “me too.”
🧑🤝🧑 Couples therapy with my husband
Challenging, vulnerable (it’s hard being on the other side of the couch) and deeply worth it.
🏐 Watching my kids play four square
For a few golden minutes before the inevitable sibling squabble, it’s like time rewinds. That red ball, their laughter—it reminds me how little they still are. How joy can live in the simplest places. It makes me crave more of that simplicity for myself, too.
📖 This article from Understood on ADHD and shame
If you haven’t read it yet, it’s a must. So much resonance.
Wherever this newsletter finds you—whether you’re on a quiet walk or smack in the middle of “Mayhem” chaos—I hope you can pause for a moment and ask yourself: Is it a snake, or just a stick?
Xo
Kaitlin