It's been an emotional week...
a story about lockdown at school, processing fear, and demanding action!
I haven't written to you in a while, mostly because when I sit down to write, I have no idea where to start. All of the ideas I get flooded with throughout the day, inside and outside of the therapy room (and thanks to ADHD brain, I have far too many), get all jumbled and twisted and no longer seem important. So, instead of overthinking what I want to write here, I decided to just start writing — because just like I've told so many of my clients, getting started is often the hardest part!
What's coming up for me on this Friday afternoon is the truth that it's been a heavy, anxiety-provoking, and emotional few days. An explosion happened at the junior high in our neighborhood, which quickly prompted a lockdown at the school. Seventh and eighth graders were eating lunch on the blacktop when two loud booms rang through the air, and they dropped everything in their hands and just ran — some towards classrooms to take cover, some towards home. The yard was littered with food, backpacks, laptops, and whatever else the kids happened to have in their hands when the sound, mimicking gunshots, sent them into a panic-induced flight.
The explosion prompted a lockdown at the elementary school next door, where my three kids go to school, as the authorities hadn't yet confirmed the source of the loud noise and smoke. Our principal witnessed kids fleeing towards our school, heard sirens coming from every direction, and quickly made the call to go on lockdown as a precaution. Each one of my children (6, 8, and 9) had a story about where they were when they heard the words, "Lockdown, this is not a drill." My 4th grader said she felt really scared, but her teacher said some version of "you guys, I'm always here with you 100 percent but right now I'm with you 200 percent…it's going to be okay," and that made her feel better — I thought that was a beautiful thing to say in a moment where it must be impossible to find the words. My third grader said she had heard it had to do with Kenilworth (the Junior High) and was mostly worried for her friend, who is in 7th grade and is like a big sister to her…"I was worried about her too, baby," I said. She was the flower girl in our wedding, and her mom is one of my best friends. When I think of all their scared little faces locked up in their classrooms, the brave teachers (many of whom were scared for their own children), it twists my stomach in knots and fills my eyes with tears.
It turned out to be an M-1000, not gunshots, and while the incident was a sick and twisted prank, and thankfully nobody was physically hurt, it triggered the same panic response that a real shooting would have, and thus so many kids and parents in our community are feeling raw, anxious, sad, and angry.My girls had trouble sleeping that night and had all kinds of questions. We did our best to answer their questions like "why are guns even a thing?" and "why did that kid want to scare people like that?" in a way that was honest and reassuring at the same time (which is really tough to do).
When the kids finally went to sleep, I called my friend, the one whose daughter was in our wedding and was on campus when the explosion happened, to check in. She too was shaken up and said she was doing everything she could to put aside her own fear and anxiety and show up for her daughter…but there was one question in particular that made her break down in tears; "mom, some kids ran off campus, and I went to the classroom to take cover…next time, if a real shooter comes, which choice do you think is the safest?"
How in the hell do you prepare your kid for an active shooter incident in the very place you send them to every day in the spirit of their development, growth, and education…and why should we have to live in a country where mass shootings are part of the narrative? We NEED more gun control; we need to demand change.
I'm coming at you, or maybe alongside you, as a parent today, not as a therapist with the best thing to say to your kids in a horrible situation (something I’ve done on the news many times) Maybe it’s because this is so close to my heart that I can’t find it in me to take the “expert” angle right now, but only the human one. And while the incident turned out to be a sick and twisted prank, and thankfully nobody was physically hurt, it triggered the same panic response that a real shooting would have, and thus so many kids and parents in our community are feeling raw, anxious, sad, and angry. I am too. I am going to continue to give myself permission to feel what I feel, process how I need to, and let my kids do the same.I urge you to keep fighting for safer gun laws, and I will do the same…and (again) I know this wasn't a shooting, but it brought to the forefront how easily it could have been.
In the words of Shannon Watts, Founder of Moms Demand Action, "If you haven't been impacted yet by gun violence, God bless you. But sadly it's coming - to your state, community, school."My call to action, for myself and for you, is to go to find out what you can do in your community and beyond to demand action from the government and legislators so we don't have to keep fearing for the lives of our children and loved ones nearly every time they leave the house. This page, from Moms Demand Action, is a solid place to start!
xo
Kaitlin Soule, LMFT
Terrifying for you, your children and everyone involved. Pleased no-one was physically injured and this was a crazy 'prank'. Take care K and have a good weekend at home xo Ben